Narcissism in Christian Marriage

In today’s society, there is a high degree of tolerance that is practiced and associated within the faith movement and life of a Christian. In marriage, we stay regardless of how toxic, it is for many reasons that surround the opportunities to co-parent children, or from the mere feeling of not being able to face having a failed marriage. For individuals born or raised in the Christian faith, it has been cognitively expected and explained that marriage is a good thing.

For years, divorce has been typically frowned upon in the Christian faith. Married Christians have not been given the proper reassurance, support and resources to genuinely deal with a spiraling and a failing marriage from an authentic perspective.

Traditions in Christianity, culture have plagued married couples by quilting and shaming them into staying bounded in marriage way too long, honoring the stigma “till death do us part”. Psychological issues continue to evolve, and it is not often that mental health is addressed within the church.

Christians are seemingly the most affected by mental health crises. Millions of Christians around us every day, everywhere are primarily seeking answers from the church. The church has yet to ideally deliberate of the matter’s marriage boundaries complicated by mental health issues that are on the rise. Biblical principles are constantly sought after and analyzed to compare their usefulness in helping to relegate and understand how to appropriately apply the foundations of faith to the well-being and wholeness of marriage. How are the principles, then applicable, when the marriage becomes threatened by mental illness?

In a narcissistic marriage the question is asked, can biblical instruction help us better clarify, and relate to the basic fundamentals of being in a marital relationship with a narcissist?

This research paper is needed to show that extreme conflicts and actions are associated with narcissistic behaviors that are exhibited in Christian marriages.

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This research will also examine the psychological practices used to conquer manipulate and control the social implications of negative behavior that is experienced while being in a Christian marital relationship with a narcissist. This examination will also illustrate the limited and the typical response of biblical support that aids the Christian marital relationship in crisis. As this research is developed, it will compare and analyze how biblical instruction and traditions can positively and negatively work towards the converting, confronting and combating hurtful experiences that are induced by the narcissistic spouse.

As many previous studies have shown, abuse develops within the marriage and causes significant changes in the mind and heart. Many episodes of distress are ignited in a marriage with a narcissist and the only resolution in dealing with a narcissist in a Christian marriage becomes prayer and long-suffering as is suggested in Galatians 5:22 (KJV) “as but the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness and faith. How does one work, without the other?

Christians are not taught how to authentically dwell with a person that has narcissistic characteristics. Christians are encouraged through biblical hierarchy and instruction to love and forgive. Christian wives are strongly influenced to follow and be submissive. Husbands are directed to lead and be the head of the home. Religious authorities do not seek to do a psychological profile or risk assessment on individuals contemplating love and marriage. It has always been thought of that religion and Christianity takes care of itself. It is an assumption that when Proverbs 10:12 speaks that “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins”, that scripture puts an end to all of the possibilities that could harm us by loving someone wholeheartedly through marriage.

Loving, dating, or being in an intimate relationship with a narcissist can be an exhaustive experience to say the least. One cannot be entirely prepared for the many surprises, attacks and challenges that encompasses this type of relationship. Being in a Christian marriage with various trajectories throughout the marriage makes the marriage volatile and very difficult to follow Christian principals. This leads to frustration, only to complicate matters further.

As I have compared and analyzed the literature and the limitations of the studies collected, there are substantial limitations within the information and resources that are available. As a whole, the combined resources do give an astounding synopsis of the effects and outcomes in marriages where marital distress and maladjustment exist. However, the resources do not give a real authentic account of the realities of the Christians living in marriages where there are mental health challenges involved. The resources that have been identified list a psychologist and cognitive account of the effects that the narcissistic behavior has on marriages and the time frame in which the characteristics of narcissism begins to be exposed.

This research will add to the current field of study by proving that there is a need for a collaboration of pre-marital spiritual and psychological profiling within the Christian church. This hypothesis will be proven by organic surveying derived from questionnaires, surveys and interviews that ministry leaders, church counselors, single, engaged and married Christians would participate in. The results of this collaboration would forge its greatest impact as it is profiled during the pre-marital stages of the union. Being able to identify the characteristics of narcissistic behavior prior to Christians getting married helps reduce divorces in the Christian faith. Christians along with other couples in society would have equal opportunity and have the additional information and support that will help ensure the balance in the relationship that II Corinthians 6:14 (KJV) speaks of saying, “Be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers”, even before marriage. This looming question that persists behind this good deed of marriage is “How do you defend yourself in a Christian marriage when there isn’t a boundary that separates Christian living from narcissistic behaviors? There is more to this marriage crisis than just love. Today, narcissism has been deemed to be an almost impossible act to live with. Currently speaking, its unfeasible demands make it intolerable to be able to remain in the confines of a Christian marriage continuing to be whole and civil.

This study will use only a small portion of how narcissism is affecting Christian marriages. We need more studies like this made available so that Christians leaders can develop a better approach towards pre-marital counseling and profiling in the Christian Church. Healthier decisions can be made about marriage if Christians have access to additional resources as a collaborative and parallel experience. Developing a holistic approach within the church that leads to equality in love and longevity in marriage is the overall outcome of this study.