Dating a Black Man in Modern America

I am dating a black man, and have been for over two years. When people first see a picture of my boyfriend it’s usually followed with, “Wow, I didn’t expect that.” And afterwards the question is, “Is it true that once you go black you never go black?” I am obviously a white girl. I have stereotypical blue eyes, am currently attending a well-known college for my bachelor’s degree and am even a varsity athlete. So why would anyone expect me to be personally involved in the “Black Lives Matter” movement?

Dating a black man in today’s world means that I worry about every possible encounter my boyfriend may have with a cop.

I know that one look at his skin color, may cause any police officer to take drastic measures. It doesn’t matter that his parents emphasized the importance of respecting every police officer as he grew up. His parents know that, which is why his mother told him never to resist anything a police officer does or says because paying bail is cheaper than him paying for his life.

My boyfriend is one of the nicest and more giving men you will ever meet. But every night he goes out, I worry that another girl will take his outgoing demur the wrong way. I worry that his friendly nature might one day cause him to talk to the wrong person who takes his actions the wrong way and makes biased accusations.

I worry that my boyfriend may not advance in his career field, because of his skin color.

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He’s already told me that clients are hesitant to be in a room with him at first. He has to constantly prove himself every day to clients, because his skin color makes them apprehensive. He has to constantly be a spokesperson for other black people, because he may be the person who breaks or starts a person’s biases.

I often notice that he is constantly being watched. It happens when he’s walking on the streets or when we are in a grocery store. Employees walk by us more than normal, and stand there “fixing the shelves”. Women will casually cross to the other side of the street, or clutch their belongings closer to them. It doesn’t matter what he wears or who he is with his skin color still defines who he is in America.

I was told to fall in love with someone based on their character and who they are as a person. Skin color was never discussed, I was taught acceptance for everyone regardless of race. I was raised in a family where biases didn’t exist, but in America they do. To be American is to be white. Everybody else has to hyphenate. However, I fell in love with somebody with a skin color different than mine, and that will never be a burden.