A Regret of the Years Spent without My Mother

At the age of 22, it’s challenging for me to remember the hardships that my childhood provided me. My mother, being a single mother, couldn‘t take care of me, go to work, and attend school, and she didn’t want me to be constantly in the hands of a stranger, like a babysitter, So, my mother had me sent to Turkey in the first grade, next to my grandparents, where I didn‘t see her for the next five years, Even though my mother wasn’t physically with me, she tried her best to make sure that I have a happy childhood.

She used to send monthly boxes of presents with things that have never been seen before in my city in Turkey, she used to make sure she provided my grandma with enough money, so I can attend a reputable private school, and I wasjust so spoiled rotten by my mother that I remember when I was finally returning to United States to recreate my small family with my mother again, I assumed I was going to go in a private jet plane.

Despite all the things my mom went through to make sure I have a happy childhood, it was one of troubles and doubt and confusion, Although I knew I had a loving mother, and although my grandparents provided me with an unconditional love that didn’t leave me for asking for more, I never felt accepted within my societyi Coming from United States, it was very hard to make any social relations with those around me.

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Even though I was full-blooded Turkish, I was being rejected for coming from United States and were called things like orphan and bastard since it was known in the community it was my grandparents raising me, which, at that age, directed me to gradually forget how my mother looked and doubt if this woman I spoke to every week truly was my mother, When it comes to my father, he was an unspeakable subject within the household, and there were instances where the house phone would ring and I would happily and excitedly answer it only to find out the voice of a scary man telling him he will get me one day.

From being humiliated by the first crush I ever had in elementary to not even being talked to at parties my grandparents forced me to go, I always just look back at my desperate attempts at trying [0 be accepted despite the unfairness and rudeness I was being treated with. My grandparents, who I grew to refer to as mother and father, took dominant roles in my life and gave me the basic values and foundations I have today. My grandmother, an elementary school teacher of over 40 years, taught me her love of learning and of books and her down to earth personality which has helped me in ways that are unimaginable Ever since I was young, thanks to my grandmother, I have been digging into school books, always trying to do more, closely scrutinizing my favorite novelsr When I had returned from Turkey to United States, I had completely forgotten English, and I pushed myself within a month by studying from various workbooks I found in my school to teach myself Englishr.

My grandfather, with his love for science, mystery, and sci-fi, taught me a relentless curiosity that never gets satisfied Even though my grandmother is far away in Cyprus now, and my grandfather dead, because of the values they implemented into me, I am where I am today, Thanks to them, I was able to survive in the public schools of Florida where every imaginable thing exists that shouldn’t exist in an educational institution such as drugs, sex, alcohol, racism, bullying, sexism and discrimination I don’t know how many of my friends were lead to the wrong path just within middle school, and they now are either in jail, dead, or pregnant with lives at dead-ends, If it wasn’t for the guidance I was given, I could’ve easily gone astray myself. Overall, I regret the years that I didn’t spend with my mother, because it really did take its toll on me.

My grandparents always loved me unconditionally, but its nothing like the love of a mother. Regardless, the experiences I went through made me a stronger person, I have altered my goals of trying to fit in with others and trying to be accepted, because I have learned as long as I love myself as who I truly am, it’s not important what others think, Most importantly, I don’t have vengeance for anyone who has affected me negatively in my life before as I am unaware of what they are personally going through and they might have been unaware they were doing something bad to begin with, I don’t believe people do bad in this world knowingly, I believe in the good in everyone. Again, I thank my grandparents for that.