I never thought that this day would ever come I’m waiting for

I never thought that this day would ever come. I’m waiting for my family to pack my things into the car, facing the pale pink villa where I’ve lived since they brought me home as a baby, standing small and square with its tiny garden, in the last few minutes before I leave Addis Ababa. I first got my passport when I was a small child, but this is the first time I will use it, even though it has been renewed several times.

I always knew that I, like my brothers, would be going to America some day to pursue educational opportunities. I didn’t know that I was going to go alone, though, at the age of fifteen. But now here I am, getting ready for the trip and saying goodbye to these walls.

The thought of saying goodbye to a place of so many memories makes me remember every little scratch on the long wooden staircase.

The thick white spider webs that crowd the attic. THe sound of my puppies as they waddle and squeal across the wooden floorboards, their nails scraping the ground as they pad across the room. The shutters, faded by the sun, that are cracked and bubbled in places. The fixed landline phone that has lain there untouched for many years. The disturbing yellow clown toy on the highest shelf that I never managed to move.

In the last few minutes before I leave it, I stand there in the tiny garden with its flowerbeds, heart shaped leaves.

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So many emotions skirt through me. I feel so gloomy. I have been looking straight at my house for several minutes with nothing but a wistful smile and somber expression. That’s when I realize what hurts more than leaving is the melancholy thought that I will never see this place again. It’s a rented house. My brothers have already moved out before me, and my father’s business has taken him out of the country. So after I leave, my mother will also have to move. This means that I am not just leaving my home for now, but forever, because it won’t be ours anymore even though it’s the only home I’ve ever known.

I leave much in this place I used to call home, but I hope that a better future lies ahead. After nineteen hours of travel, I finally arrive in Boston with my brother and father, who has come along to help us get settled in. We take a taxi to my new guardian’s apartment in Cambridge, where my other brother is already living over summer break. When we get up for breakfast, we head to Duncan Donuts. The coffee they give me is too big. Who could drink so much coffee? The muffin is enormous too. There is a month before school starts. My father doesn’t want me or my brother to use the internet too much. It’s extremely hot in Boston, and people often yell in the street or at the library.

Try to write 2-3 more paragraphs where you show us how you overcame the weirdness or challenges of navigating a new school and town after your dad left. You are independent and resourceful and adaptive and hard working. (SHOW DON’T TELL) Find concrete examples/instances in your new life where you demonstrate these qualities. The work of English class. I think you want to end with something about

Idea: you could move through the challenges of the first few months here alone, focus on what’s hard or new/obstacles-then maybe end with your mom’s holiday visit and that conversation in the train station when she remarks that it’s the first time the four of you had been together in five years, and return to the idea of this essay: what is home? Is home one place or is it the people who share that place? If some of the people move on, do the memories make a kind of home that you carry with you because you can still draw upon those memories even when the place or the people aren’t with you?

You could make a reference to RIchard Wright if you want to and possibly write about using writing or autobiography as a way to hold onto memories because even when you’re gone from your home now you have this description in words and this story to hold onto and share with other people…

Even though some of this is challenging and hard, it’s also what everyone who leaves for college goes through and now you know that you can handle not just a move from your family’s home but also to another country and learning how to start taking care of yourself and this is all what you will be doing in college…

A good essay shows some change in the speaker from the beginning to the end-there is the literal change that you have left Ethiopia and moved here and are sometimes on your own here, but there should also be a change in a way of thinking, a change in your character somehow as a result of the story. Your change here might have to do with the definition of home, or an expansion of what home can mean. At the start you are saying goodbye to home in a literal way, goodbye to a familiar building you won’t see again, but maybe by the end of the piece you won’t feel quite so melancholy because your idea about what home is will have changed now that you are in a new place called home, or realize that even when you move from one country or building to another, you still …