What Is Fear and How Is It Conquered?

Fears are defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” No matter how big life is, it’s always the littlest things and briefest moments that will grab hold viscously, never letting go. The vast heights, darkness engulfing the light, standing alone in the world, lungs burning for air as the merciless waves hit. One can conquer these fears in some form or another. All in all, it’s the sense of vulnerability that brings the fear of failure as the giant looming over my life.

For me, the fear of failure is a constant weight, shadowing me wherever I go. In a way, I can attribute my obsessive personality traits and to this fear. It’s easy to validate it as a convenient excuse, but being afraid of failure has held me back in the smallest and biggest of moments. I’ve constrained myself to today’s culture of perfection.

As a result, failure is something to be avoided by never taking risks and doing what I know works best on a daily routine.

Thousands of dollars will be spent on an education and I expect for it to pay off, skill sets to broaden, knowledge base to widen, and for me to rise and grow in life. Yet, I’ll cling to the past mistakes that I’ve committed: the quizzes I’ve failed, the SATs and ACTS that I didn’t score I high enough on, the presentations where my memories failed and mouth stuttered.

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Outside of academics, perfection has to be attained as well.

Hundreds of hours put into tennis and photography, but my mind will always draw itself back to the defeated moments: the photoshoots where I couldn’t compose the lighting, my knee dislocating before the most anticipated game due to misstepped footwork, the tied score during the semi-final game tournament with my partner and I volleyed the tennis ball into the net. Stepping into my home, bigger questions stream into my mind. What if I can never live up to my parent’s expectations? What if the career path I chose isn’t my true calling? What if all the hard work I’ve been into a good future will turn to dust? I constantly play the what if game with my mind and it’s the questioning of failure that rings in my ear, growing violent.

Gradually, failure has turned into the need of attaining perfection. Stick rigidly to what I know I can do. Work the longest hours. Triple check everything. Be the most conscientious and conservative person in the universe. It’s been long overdue, but now is the time to reign in my fear of failure. The path will be a long one, but I believe trial and error will be the prime means to conquer this fear. I need to understand that at times, I will fail and make mistakes. My life began with crawling and falling, but now I am up and walking about. When I do fail, I’ll view it as a stepping stone and refuse to consider failing as a character flaw. I won’t feed into this fear and let it define my directions in life, but rather use it as a foundation of success and live in the mindset of perseverance and confidence.