Anorexia and Society's Pressures

The following sample essay on “Anorexia”: unfortunately, being a girl in this society it makes one feel the complete opposite. It seems as if there is nothing one can do can ever be good enough until you look a certain way while everything else seems to be ignored. This leads to a lot of women developing body issues, which leads to disorders such as anorexia. However, I didn’t realize after an awful moment I was going to become yet another victim of this common tragedy by having an unfortunate journey, because of the looks and weight of myself.

Massey 1

When I was a baby, at 10.1 pounds, with two necks, the chubbiest of checks, and rolls that folded over my body, I gained the nickname “fatty cakes”. As I grew, the fat never disappeared and neither did the nickname. As I continued to grow, the weight of my body never affected me at these stages in my life, as I was just so young and carefree.

I would notice when my family would see me their faces would light up as they would shout “fatty cakes”. I grew a fond connection of title I held and the excitement my family had of me. To me, I was just me, no matter what body form I took. It had never dawned on me that I was anything less than anyone else. I was perfect the way I was, which was what my family always seemed to express to me. It wasn’t until I began to grow older, that I became more aware of the consequences my weight would have on my life and health.

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Massey 2

As I entered middle school, I began to notice the other girls, with their cute outfits, silky long hair, and the perfect bodies. Meanwhile, I was here with my awkward, undeveloped and pear-shaped body. At the time, I was unaware of the body changes I was supposed to experience and the development, of my body in the future. All I knew was that I was different from the rest. I wasn’t happy about that. I started to become ashamed of the nickname the weight had carried all these years.

May 3rd, 2013, was the day a former classmate of mine made a joke about my weight, in front of the entire class. Everyone carelessly laughed, as I hid my embarrassment behind a smile and, the redness that then revealed itself on my face. It was hard to process the emotions I was feeling. All my life I had seen myself as nothing but good. Within a matter of seconds, that thought of myself just had gotten torn down. Everything I had known and accepted as myself, didn’t feel correct anymore.

Following the incident, I had a whole new negative perspective on myself. There became days, that when I would pass a mirror I would be ashamed to even look at what I was. I was now undesirable and unwanted, to myself and, to what I thought others too. My confidence was slipping right through my fingers, there was nothing I could do at that point.

As the year continued on,my self-esteem got progressively worse. I became more aware of my body. I would notice how my stomach looked standing in a bra, how my chin turned into two when I looked down, how my arms sagged as I held them up, how my thighs would jiggle as I walked, the visible stretch marks that ran across my body as I would sit this way or another, and the formation of the indents that would form on my faces through each expression made. Every detail began to matter.

Massey 3

I became so down on myself that my family started to notice in the disappearance of my vibrant personality, especially my mom. One evening after returning from school, she came to my room and, sat on my bed, as she rubbed my back. The painfully silenced room was nothing I wanted to be in because I had a sense that I knew where the conversation was about to go. After about a minute went by, she finally spoke and said “Honey, is there anything we need to talk about? I feel you’ve been distanced lately”. I was unsure of how to answer this because I didn’t want her any less of me than I already did of myself, so I responded with a quick “no” and showed my big smile I always held. I seemed to have brushed it off my shoulder so casually, convincing her everything was okay. She smiled at me and told me “okay, I’m glad to hear. I thought I may be needed to be worried you weren’t being yourself but if you need to ever talk about anything then you know I’m always here. I love you” and then left, shutting my door. I was now alone in my isolated room with all the countless thoughts just running through my head. Will I ever be good enough? Was I ever going to be able to accept myself? How can I change? What would make me like the other girls? I now couldn’t find a way to make these questions leave my mind. I wanted to be good enough for everyone. I wanted back what my mom saw was missing. I just wanted to be me. I felt unsure of how I was going to accomplish this so, I fell into another hole of confusion, where I turned to the internet to help.

Searching the internet became my own enemy. There were endless articles on weight loss and, how to lose weight fast. I read every single one that I could and, I thought I was getting such inspiration and good tips on them. While exploring for tips and tricks, I came across one article that was instead of healthy ways to lose weight, a story of a girl and her breathtaking recovery from her journey through anorexia and bulimia. Instead of acknowledging the harms she did to her body, all I was focused on what I thought was important, how small she was. That was the body I found beautiful now, not myself. That was how I wanted to be. That was how I was going to be. It was then a focused goal of mine to look like she and I didn’t care how I was going to have to accomplish it.

Massey 4

The months continued to go by, my habits began to worsen, as did my thoughts. It started as binge eating, where I wouldn’t eat certain things or at certain times for weeks but, I noticed that wasn’t good enough. The binge was followed by bulimia, where on the few times I would eat, I would throw up afterward. This method was what I thought was the smartest and simplest methods for me, at the time. I thought since I was still eating I was still going to be okay. After doing this for a few weeks the changes started to appear. My face was becoming slimmer, my thighs were beginning to not touch, my hips were less broad. Everything seemed to be falling into place. I thought I was doing my best by getting skinner and becoming who I finally wanted to be. I didn’t know what the journey I began I was going to start to follow in the collapsing of my own body.

Finally, fall came around and school was about to begin again. I felt completely confident to enter into the new stage of my life, high school. I was so excited to start the new experience while feeling so confident in my new and improved body, now weighing a total of 115 pounds. The moment I had worked so hard to achieve and I would get to show it off to the people, who use to not think I was beautiful as I was. August 26th, 2014, the first day of high school rolled around. I walked into my first class. I didn’t recognize any familiar faces but that was okay, I was going to make friends. I figured this was gonna be a good year. Wrong. It was only 60 seconds later as when the teacher came in and we all stood up, I immediately fainted. It all became such a blur. I woke up to men surrounding me while I was laying on the floor. The room had been evacuated by the students. I was startled and was so confused as to where I was or what was going on. It felt like a dream. The men started to ask multiple questions, in which I couldn’t answer so I just laid there trying to recover and bring myself back into it. I felt so hopeless. The door them swung open. My mom ran into the room asking to see me and what was going on. She seemed so scared, as was I. She rushed over to me and took my hand and just started to cry. They eventually took her out and started to explain that I was going to be okay but they needed to get me to a hospital so they could find the explanation and they did just that. The ride in the ambulance was one of the most overwhelming moments. I was attached to so many wires. There were so many beeping sounds. I didn’t know if I was okay.

Massey 5

After hours of arriving at the hospital, everything came back and the doctors then explained that my iron was low and I didn’t have any correct proteins which were causing my brain and immune system to slowly shut down. My family broke into tears. They had noticed the new me but they didn’t know the pain behind the new knew me. My mom came over to me and held my hand as tears ran down her face. She explained to me that everything was going to be okay, and I was going to get help and that I did.

Massey 6

The day after leaving the hospital, my mom found a therapy group out of UNC Hospital, for children with eating disorders. I started to attend and every day we talked about ourselves, the risks, and how we can grow from where we were. This impacted me amazingly. It was there that I learned that to be different was okay and to be different was beautiful. I recovered after months, of the process. I now have maintained a body weight that satisfies me. I now know that no matter what I have true beauty and am worth so much, no matter what everyone says. I was brought back to life. Meanwhile, I had the scariest moment of my life, fainting, it brought me to the greatest moment of my life being able to accept myself be finally grow into and be the perfect me.