For years, I’d feel uneasy toward every little aspect of my life. I constantly anguished over my past, present, and future. Instead of taking steps to resolve a situation, I would just stress constantly. I had no idea how to unwind, sit back, and absorb the life around me; to stop and smell the flowers. I would be confined in my own mind and turn away from the rest of the world. Nonetheless, all that changed when I began to grasp the fact that the world had so much more to offer me.
The more I felt distressed, the more of the world I missed. There is so much more out there in our universe that we forget to take in and appreciate.
My prime issue had to deal with the fact that I didn’t know how to be independent. My heart broke in autumn of 2013, ripped, shattered, torn. Though that may be an overstatement, it still felt as if he ransacked my heart.
At the time, it felt as if he broke into my home and took everything, including my pride. I really lost myself for a while. For days, I’d question my self worth and purpose in this world. Over a break-up? Ridiculous, I know. I dwelled on the past and kept thinking about what I could’ve done to fix things so that he wouldn’t have left me, so that things would’ve worked out. I dwelled on my present situation and felt sorry for myself instead of doing something about it.
I kept worrying about my future and how I would never find someone who would love me like he did. I blamed myself for everything, even when it was his fault. I worried about all these stupid little things.
Even before then, I was still always an uptight person. Always so stressed out, bitter, cold. But that break up was my breaking point, and it made me realize I needed to do something about myself. Though I didn’t know what to do, and the dwelling process lasted a long amount of time… things actually started changing on its own. I went on a road trip to Atlantic City with my family. I’ve been here many times before, but this time it was different. Going out of state helped me leave my problems behind for two days. It’s the road trip itself that made me think. It was as if I left my problems at home, and the car kept going away from it and showing me the rest of the world. As I watched other cars go by for six hours, I realized everyone in each car had their own life. Everyone went through their own heartbreaks, troubles, losses, etc., but as humans we have to keep moving forward. Not because it’s all we can do, but because if we don’t, then our problems will never be resolved. That’s when it all came to me—I have to keep moving forward, absorb everything around me and appreciate the little details of my life.
In conclusion, that single car ride—as simple and subtle as it was, opened my eyes to see that there is so much more out there in the world that I’m missing. So many other things are going on, and the world is so big that we don’t even notice it sometimes. You have to experience everything around you; take everything in. Listen, learn and observe. Only then will you find true peace within yourself. All I did in the duration of my dwelling process was shelter myself in, away from the world; I closed myself in and spent most of my time in my room rather than accepting the universe inside me. But from then on, when everything changed, I really looked around me and absorbed everything. Many say I’m a quiet person, but I’d rather observe and listen.