My Personal Experience Relationship Strategies

Interpersonal Communication Portfolio Project

Relationship building is the cornerstone of society. Without relationships, our ability of individual ingenuity and brilliance would be worthless. The need for relationships is so strong that it is wired into our very being to engage in relationships and the challenges associated with development of said relationships. The individual that I am describing in this paper is the owner and CEO of a Pawn shop that deals with the purchase and selling of valuable items such as gold, diamonds, silver, and high-end watches such as: Rolex, Panerai, etc.

My relationship with this individual has been rocky at the start but over the last 6 months, I have been able to effect a change for the better because I worked as a consultant and department manager for this individual. I proved through results that I have the credibility to critique, give advice, and effect changes for success and for profit. I believe that through strategies described in this paper that I can improve my efficacy and relationship with this individual.

Conflict

The differing types of conflict involved with the short relationship that I have had with the owner of this company as employer and acquaintance are many. The main two conflicts are interdependence and expressed tension.

The expressed tension is the face to face tension that is based on the day to day work. The interdependence is the conflict that deals with the day to day work that causes us to become dependent on each other for the sake of professional success.

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The moment that cased the initial disagreement was when the CEO asked me to engage in the work that I was employed to do a certain way. When the project failed, he blamed me for the result instead of taking ownership for the fact that his technique was flawed.

At the time I was very frustrated and didn’t know quite what to do about the situation. The CEO was mad at me and the client was mad at me. Neither of which were my fault. I had only done the work the way the CEO asked me to do it. It wasn’t like the owner of the company understood that he had just completely destroyed my credibility in the moment- nor did he really car. As for the client, all they knew was that they didn’t get the product they asked for- the way they asked for it. This grievance was the spark that lit the fire that led me to approach the owner of the company about this situation. This situation was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to the numerous issues that I had developed with the owner of the course of my two month long employment at the time. I had been hired as a department head and wasn’t able to do my job because of the constant interference between him and the other employees in the office who were not qualified or educated enough to do the job that I had to do.

• The first issue I had to reach out to him about was profit loss. He was losing money because he didn’t understand how to price and offer on gold. I did know how to do so and did the job with proven results. Our guarantees were unfounded because of the flawed formula that he used to price the gold.
• Secondly, we were losing opportunities in another department- auto title loans. No one was reaching out to clients and advertising in order to make revenue. No sales were being generated until I came. Whenever I asked for help, I was shut down and pushed to the side. I built that end of the business by myself despite the lack of help from anyone in the office.
• Thirdly, I had to approach him with a list of legalities that could shut the business down. Offering to meet clients expectations in terms of pricing and recompense and then shortcoming them because of some blown up excuse is misleading and can easily be translated into fraud. Taking goods that were sold to us and not holding the items for the required 30 day period was also illegal and could open the company to immediate shutdown.

Fourthly, the CEO allowed any of the other employees in the office to enter my office, whether they were trained or not, and run business for me. This was most definitely not acceptable nor was it the right way to do business. Many times I had employees come in and interrupt me while I was with other clients or in the middle of creating profit for the company. These interruptions cost me time, money, sales, and most importantly, credibility. I had to offer to train the individuals that came into my office since they felt the need to run my business for me. The owner eventually conceded that point.

Finally, the CEO would act like he appreciated and enjoyed my efforts and then the next moment he would completely shut me down and degrade the profit, work, and effort that I put into my job for him. This was also unacceptable.

I created the opportunity to sit down with the CEO and offer to train extra individuals to do the same thing that I did. (Methods, n.d.) He decided that this was a good idea and allowed me to pick a handful of employees to train. The one thing that I did demand is that I would have sole authority over the department with no interruptions. This was providing that I continued to create profit and continued to build his business. Previously before this employment, I was manager at another gold company that used many similar techniques to create a profit. I was able to twist these techniques and fine tune them so that I could maximize profit for the company. I was also able to increase profits of up to almost $30,000 a month- all without deception or lies.

When it came to making comments on my work, I asked that he would refrain from negativity and only give helpful critique. I had ample result to show him when it came to my success. This gave me ethos enough to convince him that he didn’t have to look over my shoulder all the time to make sure I was working. I also had the opportunity to remind him that I was on his team and that he needed to act like he was a part of the team as well if this endeavor was to become successful. (Huan & Yazdanifard, 2012)

Strategy for Relationship Building.

During these ongoing conflicts and negotiations, I unknowingly apply and have applied many different principles and techniques which are used to define conflict resolution and management. These are ten different application theories that I use on a daily basis to engage, improve, and grow the relationship with my employer.

Psychodynamic Theory

The psychodynamic theory applied directly to the first conflict because of the use of aggression and backlash from the employer who wouldn’t engage with me on a level conducive to the growth of a relationship in the work she volunteered to do. The application of the psychodynamic theory helps me to explain the fear and concern expressed by the employer during conflict and day to day operations.

Attribution Theory

The attribution theory can be applied to all parties in both conflicts. It is in its basic nature three-fold:

1. Observation
2. Reasoning
3. Application of Reason.

I observed all the individuals involved in the conflicts: The employer who wouldn’t engage- Their behavior was erratic and full of fear. Their behavior could be attributed to fear and misunderstanding. His behavior was far from helpful and distant and it attributed to the idea that he wanted to stay away from the conflict or didn’t understand the conflict. This reasoning can and is being used to adjust my strategy to improve my relationship with him.

Social Exchange Theory

The social exchange theory applied to both the conflicts. I relied heavily on this theory throughout the course of all conflicts. It involves the use of reciprocity and exchange whether monetary or relationally. The employee was offered more pay in return for more work. The owner of the company was offered more profit in return for authority over the divisions offered me. It also means the it is vital to listen and acknowledge the emotions, thoughts, concerns, and culture of the other individuals involved. The effect of just listening changes the chances of success from possible to probable.

Systems Theory

The systems theory states that individuals can break down complex situations into compartmentalized sections that be broken down into simpler terms for the easier processing of conflict. Nurses and hospitals use this system in order to reduce their conflict of information, personnel, and resources. (Clancy, Effken, & Pesut, 2008) I used this system to break down the conflict with the employer conflicts and relationships.

Identification

I had to identify with the employer when approaching him. When I reached out to him to address the conflict, I came from the point of another employer/business owner who is also working hard to balance life and work. I made sure that he understood that we both have quite a bit of common ground despite the difference in personalities and culture. It was vital for me to approach him on his terms: as an individual who was helping him manage his company, make a profit for him and myself, and create a smooth workflow for everyone involved. I feel that I was successful in this step.

Ethos

I had Ethos to back my claims and persuasions up. I was a proven professional in this field and my techniques worked for both management and workflow. I feel that I had good credibility with the owner. I am continuing through proven financial and numeric results that I was creating success for him. The bottom line was that money was going into his pocket. If I could contribute to that, then he would listen.

7. Pathos

Brining Pathos/emotion into these conflicts would have been a poor decision on my behalf. I recognized my ire as continued to rise during conflicts and decided to put my own feelings aside before I decided to act upon emotion as the owner seemed to have done. I was able to create a sense of emotion for the owner because of the emotional connection to ownership, money, and profit.

Logos

Logos was where I believe I succeeded with the owner. Relationship-building with the owner required hard and soft negotiations based upon the use of Logos. The logic that was applied to the owner was increased profits and gain in the business pipeline. The owner would have to be not in his right mind to ignore such logic. The logic that was applied to the employee was a raise and increased credibility in professional experience. The employee chose not to listen to the logic, especially after they were the one that apparently had recognized what could be gained because of engagement in the business.

Cultural influences on persuasion

It was important for me to approach the owner according to their culture. There was the business culture which demanded respect, patience, and clear communication. Another aspect of cultural influence that applied to these conflicts were age and sex. The owner was a well-established male of 50 years of age. Both of which required a different set of communication skills- both contemporary and retrospectively. (Kim-Jo, Benet-Martínez, & Ozer, 2010)

Listening

Listening has always been the best strategy that I have used in terms of understanding the needs and desires of the other individual when communicating. Interpersonal communication relies heavily upon listening. Listening to the message, the paralanguage, and the heart of the messages sent. It has helped me understand what the owner/ceo of the company is saying that he wants and needs when we speak. There is the direct message and much more beyond that. With every message, there are many other sub-messages being sent both verbally and nonverbally. It has been vital for me to accept and understand these sub-messages because they all contribute to the main message.

Conclusion

Over the last year that I have worked at this place, I still struggle to grow the relationship with the owner. Going through this course has helped me become a better communicator and relationship builder. It has helped me understand how to send, receive, and interpret the messages sent by others in the context of interpersonal communication. I have been applying a few of the strategies listed above and they have created a stronger platform for me to communicate with the business owner more effectively. My emotional intelligence has been tested and grown through interaction with him throughout this year. Time and time again, I have had to step back and think carefully about my reactions and actions in order to predict and effect a proper and positive reaction from the business owner.

References

1. Clancy, T. R., Effken, J. A., & Pesut, D. J. (2008). Applications of complex systems theory in nursing education, research, and practice. Nursing Outlook, 56(5), 248. Retrieved 11 2, 2018, from https://sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/s0029655408001619
2. Huan, L. J., & Yazdanifard, R. (2012). The Difference of Conflict Management Styles and Conflict Resolution in Workplace. Retrieved 10 13, 2018, from
3. Kim-Jo, T., Benet-Martínez, V., & Ozer, D. J. (2010). Culture and Interpersonal Conflict Resolution Styles: Role of Acculturation. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, 41(2), 264-269. Retrieved 11 2, 2018, from http://biculturalism.ucr.edu/pdfs/kim et al_jccpinpress.pdf
4. McLeod, S. (n.d.). Attribution Theory. Retrieved 11 2, 2018, from http://www.simplypsychology.org/attribution-theory.html
5. Methods, C. R. (n.d.). Conflict Resolution. Retrieved 10 13, 2018, from http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-the-different-types-of-conflict-resolution.htm
6. Türnüklü, A., Kaçmaz, T., Turk, F., Kalender, A., Sevkin, B., & Zengin, F. (2009). Helping students resolve their conflicts through conflict resolution and peer mediation training. Procedia – Social and Behavioral Sciences, 1(1), 639-647. Retrieved 10 12, 2018, from https://sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/s1877042809001153
7. Wood, J. T. (2016). Interpersonal communication: Everyday encounters. Boston: Cengage Learning.