All you hear these days on the topic of global warming is how bad it is and how we need to unite as a collective people and save our planet. Well I’ve taken a step back from the whole thing and thought about it quite seriously, and I’m here to tell you people, it’s time to put your fears and despairs about global warming to rest once and for all because honestly, global warming isn’t such a bad thing. The first reason why global warming is a good thing would be that the environment is getting hotter, followed by the ocean levels rising, and the amount of carbon dioxide increasing. You may be completely befuddled right now as to how this is a good thing at all but don’t worry, I’ll explain everything.
The first reason global warming is a good thing is that as the world warms up, people won’t have to turn their furnaces on to heat their houses as much. There are many ways that this is beneficial to people living in this world these days. Not only will this save homeowners and businesses money, we will also be using less natural gas that can be saved for other things such as making fertilizer, and fuel for cars. Also, power plants will not have to produce as much electricity due to the fact that again, we won’t be using our furnaces to heat our houses nearly as much. This will also reduce the number of fossil fuels used by power plants that produce electricity.
Argumentation in A Satirical Essay
Another reason this is a good thing is that with the temperatures on the rise the icebergs and polar ice caps will be melting. For those of you out there saying, Robbie! This is a terrible thing! Let me help you understand why this is so miraculous. For one, the coastline will go inland a couple hundred miles giving people who have property along the new coast an increase in property value due to their property now being right on the beach front, not to mention the amazing view that comes with the beachfront house. Also, fruits that grow close to the coastline such as citrus fruits would flourish close to the new coastline, which in turn would allow us to grow more of the exotic fruits such as oranges in more places, thus saving us money on shipping them in from other countries or across the United States. Now fruits are good on the local level, but what about the global level? What does it do for us there? Well, besides giving more people around the world beachfront property, with no more icebergs or polar ice caps, naval passage will be much easier due to the fact that captains will not have to worry about running into any icebergs and recreating another Titanic experience. That alone sounds pretty nice to me, but just in case you’re not quite sold on it. Over-sea shipments and cruises will not take as long because the ships would not have to plan around and avoid icebergs thus for saving us even more money on a global level.
Now onto my final reason as to why global warming is so great. One of the pieces of global warming that people fear the most is the fact that the atmosphere is heating up which makes the carbon dioxide levels in the air increase. I can’t help but see how this is a good thing though because, with the rise in carbon dioxide levels in the air, plant growth will also increase. Since plant growth will be on the rise, the price of fruits and vegetables will decrease yet again saving us money on a global level, and also be producing enough food to help end world hunger. Another thing that would happen due to the rise in plant growth would be the increase in jobs that it creates. Places like plant nurseries and flower shops would need more people to take care of the rise in plant growth, and landscaping and tree removal businesses would boom because with the more readily available plant stocks people are probably going to want to spiffy up their properties. Also on the matter of yard care, you know that guy down the street from you that has that perfect lawn that everybody on your block is jealous of year round? Well, now it’s time to fight back. Because of the increased levels of CO2, everybody’s yard will flourish and look extravagant, relieving the stress of having to worry about how your yard looks, removing the bragging rights of that guy down the street, and giving you more self-esteem because your yard makes you look like a pro.
Global warming should be looked upon as a blessing rather than a burden, and it’s time for humankind to stop degrading global warming and start praising it. With everybody’s standard of living improving around the world, property values increasing, plant growth increasing, food prices decreasing, and world hunger finally on the decline, who wouldn’t want global warming? Kind of makes you wonder what hidden and secretive governmental goal they are trying to accomplish by uniting the world in the fight against global warming doesn’t it. Maybe they’re trying to achieve a one world government, maybe they’re trying to steal more of your money by making you buy “eco-friendly” products, or maybe, just MAYBE, everybody in the government is an idiot. But since the government is your friend buddy and ally, none of those things could be possible could they…or could they?