From Silence to Courage

In his book. Silent No More, Aaron Fisher recalls how he was eleven and a half when Jerry Sandusky started making advances toward him, confusing the young boy to the point where he didn’t know what really was going on. Jerry Sandusky had it all planned out. The abuse made Aaron feel confused, angry, and abandoned. He didn’t know how to tell his mother what was happening to him, and for so long he kept his feeling bottled up inside.

Aaron kept himself in complete denial. His mother failed to notice that something was terribly wrong.

Aaron’s school, Center Mountain High, gave his tormentor full access to Aaron during school hours, even allowing Sandusky to pull him out of class. Then when he disclosed to school officials that Sandusky was sexually abusing him, they refused to believe It, and set Aaron and his mother home instead of reporting it. Then he met Children and Youth Services psychologist, Michael Gallium, who was Aaron’s savior.

He helped counsel Aaron and prepared him for the numerous times he would have to testify about the abuse he endured. He never stopped fighting for Justice for Aaron.

It took three years for Jerry Sandusky to e arrested, all the while Aaron had to recount his story over and over and live In torment and fear while Investigators took their time and gathered more evidence. Justice took too long for Aaron and the other vellums of Jerry Sandusky. Just like Jaycee Dastard’s book, this book too holds a great purpose of awareness.

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Aaron Fisher and Jaycee Dugan are two incredibly strong individuals to be able to stand up and say that they are no longer willing to be there tormentors victims any longer. Jerry Sandusky had it all planned out.

He started his abuse of Aaron subtly, as if he were testing Aaron to see if he would react negatively. The first day when Sandusky took Aaron and the other boys to the swimming pool and Aaron felt that he was holding his crotch a little too long was a test. Aaron dismissed the feeling that not right about it. “l felt awkward but decided not to think about it” (Fisher et al. , 2012, p. 19). Aaron also writes about how he felt awkward was when he started to ride up front in the car and Sandusky started to put his hand on Aaron’s thigh as he drove.

It is apparent that this situation also really confused Aaron. He felt that it was not a normal way for adults to display affection toward child, but he was also taught o respect adults, the rules they make, and what they say and do (Fisher et al. , 2012, p. 20). Jerry Sandusky knew exactly how to gain Aaron’s trust. As the world found out, he had practice, he had done this before, with other boys. He also know that Aaron was too young to know that what was happening to him was sexual abuse. Aaron was so confused when the abuse started, he didn’t even know what to call what was happening to him.

Aaron wrote, “l remember when it all started and how I was Just confused. At the time, ‘it’ had no name. But now I know it was sexual abuse” (Fisher et al. , 2012, p. 21). Aaron’s psychologist Michael Gallium states that the way the Sandusky built things up with Aaron “read like a blueprint for sexual abuse right from the start” (Fisher et al. , 2012, p. 23). When the sexual abuse escalated, Aaron began to freeze up, to take himself somewhere else mentally. This is the exact same response that Jaycee Dugan exhibited when she was being sexual assaulted repeatedly by Philip Carried.

This is the flight’ part of the flight-or-fight reaction to the situation. As Michael Gallium writes, “despite all the adrenaline flowing, the victims find themselves unable to act” (Fisher et al. 2012, p. 25). Aaron’s main coping skill was denial. Once Aaron finally realized that what Jerry was doing to him was wrong, he did not want to feel anything. Aaron told himself that nothing was going on. He kept his feelings of guilt, shame, disgust, and embarrassment all bottled up inside of him, until it eventually was too much for him to handle and he had to tell someone.

He was fifteen when he finally told someone, so it was after years of abuse. It is also clear that Aaron felt very conflicted about how he was supposed to be feeling thankful for all the things Jerry Sandusky was doing for him, which was all part of Sandusky manipulation of Aaron. As time went on and the abuse grew worse, Aaron feared that no one would even believe him, “when it started getting clearer that something really bad was going on, I was afraid no one would ever believe me” (Fisher et. Al, 2012, p. 32). The sexual abuse Aaron was enduring affected him in several ways.

Aaron struggled with what was happening from the first time Sandusky made his advances, he felt something wasn’t right with the behavior of Jerry Sandusky. Aaron also had to keep himself in constant motion when he returned from the Sandusky home to help him cope with what has happening to IM. These activities kept himself from thinking about it, “l needed to get away from all the questions that I was asking myself” (Fisher et al. , 2012, p. 28). He spent time with his friends. He writes in detail about having fun snowboarding through a cemetery and Just feeling safe being with his friends and forgetting about what happened in Jerry basement.

Aaron remember this time as, “l felt safe that night, like my secret was tucked away; it felt good to know that in between the times with Jerry I could Just act like it never happened and wouldn’t happen again” (Fisher et al. 2012, p. 29). Then he got angry and started to act out. He yelled at his mom and used bad language, he stormed out the house, and he even started beating up his angry’ (Fisher et al. , 2012, p. 30). Then there was a point where Aaron basically said enough is enough, I don’t care what is man has done for me, what he is doing is wrong, and I am going to stay away from him.

He tried to stop seeing Sandusky, but Sandusky persisted, even coming to Aaron’s school and pulling out of class. It was like Aaron could not escape Jerry Sandusky. There are several missed chances to attach what Jerry Sandusky was doing to Aaron, from his mother, to Jerry wife Dotted, Aaron’s high school, Aaron’s doctor, the middle school psychologist. The bettering, the anger, not wanting to go with Jerry anymore, wanting to look up Jerry on the Mean’s Law website were all worrisome signs that something was not right with Aaron.

Aaron definitely holds some emotions about how the people close to him and to Jerry Sandusky should have known that something was wrong. Also, deep down, Aaron wonders if Jerry Sandusky wife, Dotted knew what was happening in the basement and that is why she never went down there why Aaron was over at their mom. He expressed these feelings as “l started to believe that Serge wasn’t coming down to the basement for the very reason that she knew. Somewhere deep inside me, I thought she had to know’ (Fisher et al. , 2012, p. 32).

There is an Albert Einstein quote that reads, “The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing”. The people in powerful positions at Central Mountain High School completely let Aaron down. Jerry Sandusky was allowed to walk inside this school, ask to see a student, and was granted permission every time. It is hard to comprehend how this was allowed to happen in a school, a place of learning, somewhere students are supposed to feel safe. Aaron resorted to hiding in bathrooms when called out of class to see Sandusky, an action that was never questioned by school officials.

Aaron not only feels angry but he feels that Mrs.. Probes, Mrs.. Smith, and especially Coach Steven Trachea let him down. Aaron writes, “Jerry was the assistant volunteer coach for the football team, and I didn’t even play football, so didn’t Trachea wonder why Jerry was pulling me out of class? ” (Fisher et al. , 2012, p. 72). I question why the High School allowed Jerry Sandusky to take Aaron out of class on numerous occasions, to the point where he was missing so much classroom instruction that it adversely affected Aaron’s grades.

Furthermore, the allegation that the school principle, Karen Probes, as well as the guidance counselor, Mrs.. Smith, didn’t follow proper procedure when Aaron disclosed the abuse to them is outrageous. To tell a mother whose son Just disclosed that he had been sexual abused “to go sleep on it” and the Jerry Sandusky “had a heart of gold” is absurd. Those two are mandatory reporters, it doesn’t matter who he perpetrator was, or if they believed the victim. It wasn’t their Job to determine if Aaron was lying or not, it was their Job to report the abuse.

It is understandable that Jerry Sandusky positioned himself so well in society helping young underprivileged boys through a charity that he started out of the kindness of his heart and everyone perceived him as he could do no wrong, but all that doesn’t matter once a child accuses that person of something as horrible as sexual abuse. There are people that probably hold Aaron’s mother responsible, but was it her negligence that allowed this to happen? Should she have known something was amiss with the relationship of Jerry Sandusky and her son? I say yes and no.

Yes, the sleepovers sleep over at a grown man’s home is unusual. The frequency that this occurred would alarm me and as a mother I would have questioned it, no matter the social status of the man or family whom the child was staying with. I understand the perspective that this man presented himself so well as a supposed mentor and good role model that helped so many boys. I understand the misguided honor that came with such a pillar of society wanting to be involved in her child’s life and the charade hat Jerry Sandusky saw potential in her child and only wanted to help.

However, Jerry Sandusky was spending too much time with this child, time that should have spent with his mother. Aaron expressed anger about this, he writes about how he felt abandoned by his mother, and how mad he was that she let Jerry essentially take her place, doing things that she used to do with Aaron. This was a man everyone trusted. There were signs from Aaron that something was going on in her son’s life, but she tried to take appropriate action.

To her credit, she did take him to the doctor once the bettering started, but the doctor told her it was normal and never asked Aaron any questions about possible abuse. Also, when Aaron was thirteen and he started to act out in terms of yelling and hitting his mother and siblings, his mother did ask for him to be evaluated by the school psychologists who reported that he was just going through puberty. Aaron was trying to let the people around him, especially his mother, know what was going on without exactly saying he was being abused.

Aaron acting out and being so angry, not wanting to go with Jerry anymore, hiding in he bathroom at school instead of going to see Jerry when he called Aaron out of class, and lastly when Aaron asked to look up Jerry Sandusky on the Mean’s Law website were all cries for help that no one answered seemed to answer in Aaron’s eyes. However, Aaron was had several occasion available to him to admit what was happening to him, in which he denied sexual abuse, lied about what was bothering him, but he didn’t tell because he Just physically and mentally couldn’t. The best he could manage for a long period of times was to drop subtle hints.

For a long time after Aaron had disclosed his abuse, he could not even say what happened to him beyond a simple yes’ or ‘no’. It was terribly hard to him to admit that sexual abuse had happened to him. No, it was not his mother’s fault that she didn’t know, and no it was not Aaron’s fault for not telling anyone. It is very unfortunate that the investigation into Jerry Sandusky took so long. Aaron was suffering the whole time. During the first year of the investigation, Aaron had met with four different state troopers, testified in front of his first secret grand Jury, and also met the senior deputy attorney general, Connell Cabbages.

He had recounted his story several times to the proper authorities, but still no arrest was made which was frustrating not only to Aaron, but his mother Dawn and psychologist, Michael Gallium. Because so much time had passed and no arrest had been made, Aaron started to get extremely discouraged, anxious and depressed. He was made to testify in front of the grand jury for a second time, where he basically collapsed and showed signs of stress. Michael Gallium recalls Aaron’s reaction to having to testify, “He was pale and perspiring. Once outside of the courtroom, he sank to the floor.

He started to throw p” (Fisher et al. , 2012, p. 130). The arrest of Jerry Sandusky had been promised several times by the attorney general’s office, first in March 2010, then the summer of Aaron’s first meeting with Children and Youth Services. I can’t image how Aaron was feeling through these years of waiting for Justice to be served, but you can feel the frustrations in the writing of Aaron, Dawn, and Michael. It understandable that this was a very large case, with many victims, and against someone in a celebrity-like status, but the Justice system could have done better for Aaron and the other victims.

Children and Youth Services, the psychologist, Michael Gallium, intake officer Jessica Daydreams, and Director Gerald Rosalie were Aaron’s saviors. Michael Gallium was instrumental in helping Aaron to open up about the sexual abuse. He pulled up a chair, sat right next to him and told Aaron that he was on side. He asked if something sexual happened to him and who was the abuser, which was absolutely huge for Aaron that this person believed him from the start. That day, Aaron started to open up. He had so much passion for Aaron’s case and Just keep pushing for justice.

He describes the impact of child sexual abuse on the victim as “the sexual abuse of a child is emotional homicide. Child abuse murders the soul” (Fisher et al. , 2012, p. 27). Lastly, like in Jaycees Dastard’s book, I am going to address the issue of why anyone would want to read a book on sexual abuse. I would guess that it would not be on the top of everyone’s reading list. It doesn’t make you feel good when you read it. You actually feel horrible, sick, angry, and saddened, which are not emotions that are fun to feel. But Silent No More, like Jaycee Dastard’s book is important and reverse a great purpose, awareness.

The victims of sexual abuse should never have to feel shame about what happened to them, they should be able to share their stories, as horrifying as they may be. It is also important because as we have learned, sexual abuse is not an uncommon occurrence and the world would like it to seem. We can’t and shouldn’t Just sweep it under the carpet because it is uncomfortable for us to fathom. There are more unreported cases of sexual abuse, then reported. If reading a book like this helps Just one person, then it was well worth writing about it.

Aaron Fisher and Jaycee Dugan are two incredibly strong people. They both have chosen to no longer to be a victim. In conclusion, Aaron Fisher’s lived in a nightmare from the time he was eleven until Jerry Sandusky was convicted of sexual abuse eight long years later. He had made overcome so much in those eight years. From being so angry that no one around him saw what was happening, to the school officials not believing his story, to his three year wait for the arrest of his abuser. After he disclosed the abuse at fifteen, Aaron could barely talk about what happened to him.

Now he wants to go on the road with his psychologist, Michael Gallium to talk to kids, parents, and teachers about sexual abuse. Aaron wants to inspire kids to have courage, “l want to make sure that even the littlest kid has the courage to run away from an adult like Jerry’ (Fisher et al. , 2012, p. 208). He wants to go to college to study criminal Justice and become a state trooper. He wants to help and protect others. He is moving forward with his life. He ends his book with “l am not a victim. Not anymore” (Fisher et al. , 2012, p. 210). WORKS CITED against Jerry Sandusky. New York: Ballasting Books.