He Said She Said Tannen

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How do men and woman communicate differently in relationships? Monique Giresi Professor Martin Analytical Reading 81148 I. A. How To Stay Married Anne Kingston Magazine Article B. He Said, She Said Deborah Tannen Magazine Article II. A. The magazine article titled, “How to Stay Married,” begins with a story about a 68-year old woman named Cynthia.

The article has a narrative style of writing in the beginning, however as one reads on, the style converts to expository. Anne Kingston, the author, begins to teach the reader by using examples of others and personal experiences to support her point.

B. The magazine article titled, “He Said, She Said,” is an expository piece of writing. Deborah Tannen, the author, is a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, and the author or several books; proving that Tannen is very knowledgeable on this subject.

Throughout the article there are many examples (such as pre-school children conversing) in which Tannen uses to as proof, to show that man are more interested in hierarchy, and woman are more interested in equality. III. A. How To Stay Married * Stability 1. “…better health, a rich shared history, the comfort of having omeone who has your back, and personal and economic stability amid global uncertainty. ” (p2) 2. Stability- To have a solid and strong balance or partnership. 3. Having my boyfriend by my side as a person to talk to when I was upset, gave me a great sense of the stability.

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* Amid 4. “…better health, a rich shared history, the comfort of having someone who has your back, and personal and economic stability amid global uncertainty. ” (p2) 5. Amid- During a course of something. 6. I know that I’ll always have my family for support amid the stressful school year. * Rampant 7. …sexual secrecy in marriage is rampant, from a woman buoyed by the memory…” (p4) 8. Rampant- Uncontrollable rage. 9. When sitting in class during a discussion, it is rampant that I respond my opinion. * Infidelity 10. “Not that Krasnow is advocating infidelity, though flirting is fine…” (p4) 11. Infidelity- Adultery; cheating on your spouse. 12. In my house, we don’t believe in divorce, nor do we believe in infidelity. Therefore, we get married at an older age so we are sure the man/woman is worth the marriage. * Extramarital 13. “Unlike husbands, wives are driven to extramarital affairs… (p4) 14. Extramarital-Having sexual intercourse with someone other than your spouse. 15. It is wrong in many religions for one to include themselves in extramarital affairs. ————————————————- B. He Said, She Said * Innumerable 16. “…sheds a light on innumerable adult conversations – and frustrations. ” (p3) 17. Innumerable- Incapable of being counted; countless. 18. Some art has innumerable opinions on its meaning. * Fathom 19. “…he did exactly what she requested and cannot fathom why she would keep talking about a problem…” (p3) 20.

How Men And Women Communicate Differently

Fathom- To understand; discover the meaning of 21. Many people cannot fathom the reasoning of some criminal’s actions. * Commiserate 22. “in other words, “topping” each other can be another way to commiserate” (p4) 23. Commiserate- To feel or express sorrow or sympathy for. 24. Everyday my mother calls my aunt and asks how she is feeling. She doesn’t do this because she should, she does it to commiserate my aunt. * Interplay 25. “How does this way of talking reflect the interplay of connection and hierarchy? ” (p5) 26. Interplay- Circumstances, events, or personal relations. 7. How does practicing a sport from a young age reflect the interplay of performance later in life? * Inextricably 28. “The two are not mutually exclusive but inextricably intertwined. ” (p7) 29. Inextricably- Extremely involved. 30. I am inextricably concerned with my schoolwork. IV. A. The magazine article titled, “How to Stay Married,” is written in a cause –effect pattern of organization. Authors who use the cause-and-effect approach don’t just tell what happened; they try to explain why it happened too. In this article, author Anne Kingston uses various examples of cause-and-effect.

One sample from Kingston’s article is, “it’s precisely the disconnect between that expectation that husband and wife be everything to one another and the reality of marriage that causes women to keep secrets…” (p3) Here Kingston begins her statement with the effect and concludes it with the cause of women keeping secrets. B. The magazine article titled, “He Said, She Said,” is written in a comparison-contrast pattern of organization. Authors who use the comparison-contrast approach both; compare and contrast two things throughout the argument. In this article, author, Deborah Tannen uses several examples of comparison-contrast.

One illustration from Tannen’s article is, “her point of view, asking directions means making a fleeting connection to a stranger and getting where you are going without losing anything. From his perspective, he would be putting himself in a one-down position to a stranger…” (p4). Here Tannen shows how opposite men and women think sometimes. V. C. How To Stay Married * Facts 1. “And what their stories reveal is that marital longevity requires wives to establish strong, separate identities from their husbands through creative coping mechanisms, some of them covert. (p2) Fact because there is proof within the book “The Secret Lives of Wives: Women Share What Its Really Like To Stay Married. ” That book shares stories from different women, all proving this statement to be true. 2. “Both the marriage rate and divorce rate are dropping. ” (p3) Fact because the evidence to this is created from true statistics. D. He Said, She Said * Facts 3. “…men’s talk tends to focus on hierarchy…whereas women’s tends to focus on connection…” (p2) Fact because earlier the author explains that she has collected and analyzed thousands of men and women interacting for over three decades.

Her gathered information has led her to this conclusion. 4. “…I have a brother named Benjamin and a brother named Jonathan…I have a brother named Benjamin and a brother named Jonathan, too…why she would say such a thing. ” (p3) Fact because the father is explaining a conversation that really happened. VI. E. How To Stay Married * Opinions 5. “Divorce fractured families. ” (p3) Opinion because there are cases in which a divorce can help the family. Sometimes it may decrease arguments and stress. 6. …couples should give each other ‘space’ for marriage to thrive…” (p3) Opinion because some couples may feel that for a marriage to thrive the couple should be together as much as they could and share new experiences together as a whole, as one. F. He Said, She Said * Opinions 7. “…actual sibling relationships are defined not only by the connection of shared family, but also by the hierarchy of birth order. ” Opinion because this is not true with every family. For example, I’m the youngest and my sibling and I feel equal among each other. We don’t see one another as higher, lower, better or worse. 8. Sisters often feel acutely competitive about who knows what about family member’s secrets-or who knows what first. ” (p6) Opinion because this isn’t true for every sister relationship. For example, in my family we don’t have a preference with who knows what first, as long as eventually we all get to know the information. Every family is different and every sister relationship is not alike. VII. G. The magazine article “How to Stay Married” by Anne Kingston discusses women’s role in modern marriages. There are several examples taken from the book “The Secrets Lives of Wives: What It Really Takes to Stay Married. This article also shares some stories of women committing adultery and Kingston provides some advice on the type of person one should marry. H. The magazine article “He Said, She Said” by Deborah Tannen discusses the different conversation styles of men and women. There are various examples proving that men’s discussion focuses more on hierarchy, and woman’s dialogue emphasizes more on connection. Some samples throughout the article include; a man and woman lost-wondering if they want to ask a stranger for directions or not, preschoolers playing with classmates, and sibling relationships.

VIII. How Do Men And Women Communicate Differently In A Relationship? To start, men and women communicate differently in, or out, of a relationship. This is proven by Deborah Tannen in the magazine article “He Said, She Said. ” Tannen explains that “…men’s talk tends to focus on hierarchy – competition for relative power – whereas women’s tends to focus on connection – relative closeness or distance…” (p2) Tannen enforced her statement by filming preschoolers and proving the same conclusion. From this, we learn that these characteristics within us humans are not learned.

Instead, they are with us from our childhood and throughout life. Sometimes these opposite perspectives create conflict within a relationship. For example, if a couple is lost and in need of directions; the male would prefer to figure it out on his own and the women would wish to get to the destination as soon as possible. The man will feel overpowered by a stranger who knows where to go, while the woman would feel it’s reasonable to ask someone, in order to save time. In addition, women expect too much from their relationship.

Sometimes they rely on their husbands for happiness. However, in the magazine article, “How to Stay Married” Anne Kingston explains, “wives who don’t rely on their husbands for happiness end up having the happiest marriages. ” (p2) When women don’t feel the passion from their husbands they begin to feel lonely, and this leads to the unfortunate, adultery. Kingston reveals, “it’s precisely the disconnect between the expectation that husband and wife be everything to one another and the reality of marriage that causes women to eep secrets…” (p3) For example, if women were to talk about a problem she is having, she is looking for comfort, but the man may interpret that she is looking for a solution. Tannen explains, “…a man may well misread her conversational gambit as a request for help solving the problem. The result is mutual frustration: she blames him for telling her what to do and failing to provide the expected comfort, whereas he thinks he did exactly what she requested and cannot fathom why she would keep talking about a problem if she does not want to do anything about it. (p3) The communication difference between the opposite genders is inevitable. As Kingston writes, “you should marry someone who is flexible, confident and trusts you: if you can’t count on your husband or wife in a crazy unstable world then you’re marrying the wrong person. ”(p5) IX. Works Cited Kingston, Anne. “How To Stay Married. ” Maclean’s 10 October 2011: 6. Academic Search Complete. Web. 31 October 2011. Tannen, Deborah. “He Said, She Said. ” Scientific American Mind May/June 2010: 8. Academic Search Complete. Web. 31 October 2011.