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I hesitate a little at the question and feel I am trying a bit too hard to make the client more relaxed – am still feeling somewhat nervous I maybe I am trying hard to establish a good connection with her to soon 0. Cosec C: um [pause] I’ve been feeling quite um upset about um people round me um I kind of feel that some of the girls have been [pause] estranging me [pause] sort of like bullying, Client still seems to be at ease with me although she does hesitate to begin telling me what is bothering her.
Her body language is a bit closed, her arms are folded. I don’t like bullies so I am quite interested to hear her problem but cautious not to be Judgmental or allow my own bias to Jump In T: Yeah I am trying to be empathetic from early on and want to connect with the client C: sort of bullying feeling She still has her arms crossed.
When she says bullying gain I am trying to be neutral in my thoughts although it is quite challenging to put my biases aside 0. Sec T:So the girls around you are feeling like they are coming across as bullying and um [hesitation] I am reflecting what she has told me but I realize I still don’t know enough of what has happened so I quickly change the course of the question T: Which girls would these be, which environment? I am trying to understand more of the background of the problem and I ask her to explain the environment.
I think a better question would have been, can you tell me more about these girls round you that are making you feel ostracizes or bullied? :04 C: They’re, they’re, I can call them, I don’t know, we used to be friends I guess um, I kind of want to make that adolescently that thieve Just acquaintances to me now, yup, not really Like friends. But before um, before something happened, I kind of feel Like Oh I can be , we could possibly be um you know true friends who um can talk about, you know have heart to is at ease, unfolded her arms. I sense she is recalling the time when she was close to her friends. I am also feeling more at ease now and interested to hear what she is eying.
Client also seems a lot more relaxed with me now although seems a bit confused how to describe her situation 1:32 T: Yeah I am trying my best to keep being empathetic and keep the connection with the client 1 :33 C: And um really giving to, I can be really giving to them, but now I sort of feel like I can’t and whenever um they’re around me or I know that we, I’m going to hang out with them, I feel really nervous and I don’t feel like I can be myself She is tensing up a little now and I sense she is putting herself in that uncomfortable space she might be in when with these rinds.
I am listening very intently to the client and trying to process all that she is telling me, I feel a little sorry for her feeling nervous and not being able to be herself 1:52 T:Yes [softly] So when you’re with this group, who you say are not necessarily friends anymore but acquaintances I need to be empathetic, she seems very troubled now. C: Yes She seems focused on what I am saying 1:59 T: You feel like when you trying to be around them, there’s this nervousness that comes around and sometimes even a bit of anger that you… That I am very captioned at myself at this point; I have brought my own Judgment of her feelings and possibly my feelings of anger against bullies and I regret that I have reflected this to her. Although she might be angry, she didn’t say she was angry.
I am watching her facial expression closely to see if I have Jeopardized our connection or not. 2:09 C: Not [Sigh] I don’t feel that there is anger, I’m not, I’m not angry at them, but probably I am but I Just can’t express it, um and what frustrates me is um my partner knew what happened but he felt like Oh maybe I am Just being too sensitive r um Just get over it , you either um be their friends or Just you know leave the circle.
But I can’t because um we have common friends and I don’t want to break the group dynamic The client shows a very interesting reaction to my anger comments. I am not quite sure how to read her but it doesn’t seem negative. She seems somewhat relieved that I said it could be anger as well. I too feel somewhat relieved now that the client suggests that she might actually be angry from her situation. I feel somewhat guilty at being glad at this news as it fits well with my view of bullies UT I need to be careful not to Jump to conclusions again.
She now tells me about her partner and I am feeling a sense of frustration now at this new information about her boyfriend as I thought we were heading in a specific direction but I feel the client is connecting with me and is speaking more freely and that feels good. 2:41 T: Hey, so you’re partner, your partner, his advice is to, to Just end the relationship but he doesn’t understand I am trying to let the client know that I hear her loud and clear and want to give her feedback that I have understood the options her boyfriend has revived her with.
I do relate to her boyfriend’s simple advice to her as this is probably how I would react with my partner but I am making a concerted effort to listen and not Judge. I need to think about this further after the session in terms of not favoring the male position with my clients. 2:48 C: [interjects] End, or 2:49 T: [interjects] or or Just deal with it 2:50 C: [interjects] or deal with it 2:51 T: [interjects] but he doesn’t understand that it’s, that a) it’s not so easy to leave enthusiasm from the client, she seems to be elated that I am understanding her 2:55
T: [continues on] it’s your close groups of friends C: [interjects] exactly T: [continues] and B) you don’t Just want to deal with it, you want to C: [interjects] I CAN’T T: you want to understand [ client laughs in agreement] why you feeling like this , and why the relationship has C: [interjects] and why they are doing this to me T: yeah C: Yeah This makes me feel really good now; we are connecting and I feel I am following the problem well. She is showing me very good facial expression and I now feel the relationship is at the best it has been since we started.
The client is continuing to give me signs that she feels I understand her. 3:06 T: And if we can think back to, to the beginning of these relationships, are these friends who you grew up with, you met through school, through work I now feel more confident to probe further and see if I can understand the situation better. I want to understand who these friends are and I am not so happy that I ask a somewhat close ended question. 3:15 They’re Just people that I have met through another friend T: Yeah Not much expression on her face now, maybe a bit bothered by my question, not sure 3:ICC:And um… D yeah I now hear [by her pause and choice of words] the client is somewhat stuck at what to say next due to my close ended question. I still feel we have good energy together and I feel I can continue with trying another question. 3:20 T: Yeah, and, and when you say you met through another friend, that other friend, are you still close with that other friend or it’s all in one sort of group I am trying another question and I want her to explain the friend’s relationships more clearly to me. :30 C: Jim, the friend actually left the group, I mean she, she was living in Melbourne but she has moved overseas, so she’s not hectically close to us T:[interjects]Yes C:um but she is quite, she is still quite close with the other girls C: the girls who I thought you know they were bullying me yes C: um but I don’t really um contact, have much contact with um the common friend anymore T: [interjects] yeah She seems a bit bothered to talk about the original friend but seems okay to share with me. I do feel a little frustrated again at this point.
There is a lot of information being provided by the client and I am working hard to stay on track and I am responding yes’ quite a bit to indicate to the client that I am still listening and still with her. I sense she still feels connected 4:00 T: Yeah, So could you, could you perhaps describe a little bit of this bullying that they have done, so I can Just get a better understanding if you like, Just so I could perhaps bring a bit of perspective to it I feel the need to go back to her original remarks about the bullying.
I am wary to go on a further tangent due to the time constraints and therefore want to bring it back to her original complaint about her feeling bullied. 4:14 C: Sure, yeah, um The client is reassuring and seems ailing to focus on the bullying. I now feel less frustrated and more confident that we are connecting again. 4:1 5 C: So what happened was, this is over a course of quite you know a few months T: Yeah C: of time and um so one of the girls thought that I was being a um uh a third wheel to, to a persons, to a couple’s relationship.
T: yeah C: When I thought that the couple was actually you know their opportunity ends for a relationship, they’re going to you know have a break up, or whatever, T: yeah She seems lost in her thoughts, her eyes glazing upwards and appears to be reliving the me more information. :ICC: and um some of the friends in, in, in the common group thought that you know, it’s nasty of me and it’s nasty of my partner to do this to the girl.
So the girl was being played as the victim and I and my partner being played as the bully actually. She seems to be back from reliving the experience, head and eyes back facing me and now seems to be connecting with the feeling of being bullied from her friends. I am not so happy to hear that her friends think she is nasty as she appears to me to be a good person but I know this is my own Judgment and need to stay focused on hearing what she says.