I learned most emotions from school. You would think I would have learned most of my feelings from my home life, but I think my parents did the best they could to cover them up and make it seem like everything was fine and dandy. I grew up in a museum of sorts, or a playhouse. Everything was staged and we had to act in a proper manner to make it look like we had a perfect life. When my mom was upset, she would pull herself together in a moments time and say we need to “keep up appearances” so no one was the wiser.
I would pay close attention to my parents to try and iscover how they really felt, but they were remarkable actors. So I became a player, performing in my own life as well. It was in school where I learned what real emotion was. And how to handle it. How do you pretend one way when you feel another way? I would imagine that is why some of the other kids act out.
They are in a certain life, pretending to be something they are not but don’t want to let on to the truth of their real emotions. I remember this other student who went to school with me. I felt bad for him most of the time because he always came to school kind f dirty and shabby.
His family barely had any money and I don’t think his father was around.
One day in class, there was a big scene when the teacher made it a point to single him out as a needed student and mention that everyone knows he doesn’t have a father. I’m not sure about his family but he seemed to just barely be holding it together. The teacher picked on him a lot, which I know bothered him. It bothered me as well. I felt sad for Page 2 of 2 him, but then I would remember my mother and trying to keep up appearances. He had a crush on my friend. I don’t think e knew that we all knew he liked her. I felt ashamed that we would make fun of him behind his back and call him names. I think back about how I use to act differently with my friends at school than I did at home. I wish I had learned more from my patents because I know now that most of my childhood friends were not the best influence on my developing emotions. That day when the teacher picked on him, I felt ashamed. But I just kept smiling and pretending nothing was wrong. I wish I would have reached out to him and been a little more nice. It was a lesson well learned.