Relationship between Okonkwo and Ekwefi

The relationship between Okonkwo and his second with Ekwefi come across in various chapters of the novels; snippets of their relationship make a clearer picture as the novel progresses. Looking at Achebe’s language choices and narrative viewpoint their relationship shows a mixture of both anger and caring which comes apparent in the few scenes where Okonkwo lets his guard down around her.

The fist glance at their relationship is a negative view as we see Okonkwo beating then shooting at his wife for going out “Okonkwo heard it and ran madly into his room for the loaded gun, ran out again and aimed at her” Okonkwo is easily angered this is apparent in all of his relationships with people but it also give Ekwefi a sense of character, strong willed as “the wife who had just been beaten murmured something about guns that never shot” showing a defiant streak then again resurfaces when she goes to look for her daughter and showing when she needs to be she possess a fiery spirit.

Why Does Okonkwo Beat His Wife

In spite of this we learn there was a strong bond between them “many years ago when she was the village beauty Okonkwo had won her heart… a few years later she ran away from her husband and came to live with Okonkwo” It shows there certainly was a mutual feeling between them as time has passed we see that it is not as apparent.

Okonkwo’s reputation as a cold and fearless warrior plays a large part of his apparent detachment from Ekwefi and as such we get the sense that he does not care about her greatly however rare moments in the book give an alternative idea.

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In chapter 11 when Enzima is taken and Ekwefi follows we see Okonkwo come to find her “tears of gratitude filled her eyes”. Okonkwo has always considered showing emotion to be weak but this shows us that beneath his exterior he does care. The narrative defining their relationship is somewhat fractured; switching between the past and present day. Achebe hints that Okonkwo has the closest bond with Ekwefi opposed to his other wives “he knew it must only be Ekwefi.

Of his three wives Ekwefi was the only one who would have the audacity to bang on his door” thus giving us the impression he knows her best. The two characters are fairly alike in subtle ways put across by Achebe “Ekwefi had become a very bitter woman…. Was the only person in the happy company who went about with a cloud on her brow” while Okonkwo describing his father “his love of talk had grown with age and sickness. It tried Okonkwo’s patience beyond words” Both have become somewhat cynical of others and it can be a common grounding point in their uneven relationship.

Their relationship was founded upon physical intimacy “even in those days he was not a man of many words. He just carried her into his bed and in the darkness began to feel around her waist for the loose end of the cloth” Achebe uses this to suggest their relationship has become more confrontational with age as Okonkwo has taken more wives and children and in several instances simply lashes out at her “a little more… I said a little. Are you deaf? Okonkwo roared at her”.

Achebe’s narrative technique is more observatory than judgemental telling there relationship without leaning in favour of one or the other, without clouding the issue and as such Achebe gives a raw and honest sense to there relationship; seeing both the bad side and the good. Achebe’s description of their relationship gives a clearer understanding of the characters as individuals through how they act towards one another both caringly and aggressively and as such is an exploration into the Ibo culture itself. Ekwefi is Okonkwo’s second wife.

Once a village beauty, she ran away from her home and husband to marry Okonkwo. She was smitten with Okonkwo when he beat the notorious Cat in a legendary wrestling match. Though it’s kind of romantic the Ekwefi ran away and eloped with Okonkwo, it turns out he’s not Prince Charming. Ekwefi, like Okonkwo’s other two wives, suffers quite a bit under his forceful and aggressive rule of the household. At one point, just because he was in a bad mood, Okonkwo beat Ekwefi badly and even threatened to kill her with his gun.

Regardless, Ekwefi is the most spirited of Okonkwo’s wives and frequently stands up to him and talks back. Ekwefi’s life has been full of sadness. She has bad luck with bearing children; despite giving birth to ten children, only one has survived. Thus, she nurtures a deep bond with her single daughter, Ezinma. Achebe paints Ekwefi as an extremely devoted mother. Her pain and bitterness in losing nine other children leads her to treasure her one daughter even above life itself. She dotes over and spoils her child, allowing her treats forbidden to other children and building a deep relationship of trust.

Ekwefi’s history of loss and bitterness renders her a strong woman, capable of withstanding much pain and disappointment. This also leads to a sense of boldness in her, a rather unfeminine characteristic that sometimes annoys Okonkwo. She has the audacity to knock on his door at night and to talk back to him when he accuses her of killing a banana tree. But she also takes her punishment with gritted teeth and without complaint. This kind of strength and boldness has something masculine about it, which emerges even more strongly in her daughter, Ezinma.

Though not explicitly stated, we think Ekwefi might be Okonkwo’s favorite wife, just like Ezinma is his favorite daughter. Achebe has portrayed the relationship between Okonkwo and second wife, Ekwefi, throughout various chapters in the novel. Achebe uses several language features to emphasise their relationship or lack of it in some cases. Achebe uses narrative viewpoint and choice of language to help demonstrate the contrast of anger with love and affection they share between them.

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Relationship between Okonkwo and Ekwefi. (2019, Dec 05). Retrieved from

Relationship between Okonkwo and Ekwefi
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