Its such a struggle every day without Daniel. Moonlight filtered in through the blinds illuminating through the bedroom, but the bright glow would never penetrate the darkness that surrounded me. I am living through a nightmare, from which time to time I imagine Daniel is here with us. I tightly squeezed the soft pillow as I let the tears roll down my eyes whenever I thought about Daniel. Ill always remember Saturday the 27th of August the sudden death match for St Johns first fifteen.
Tom, Fin and Daniel were very lucky that day.
Winning the Wattle Shield for the third year in a row was amazing. Ill never forget Daniel grinning, as he sat on the oval watching Fin shouting, Boom-a-lacka, boom-a-lacka, green and white. I really miss those rugby days always loved the smell of the beef, onions and potato, the thick, purposeful and savoury scent of meat steaming. Also, the braising underneath a pie crust and the smell of pastry itself made me stop and catch my breath.
Also loved sitting on the sideline as I watched Tom, Fin and Daniel all played together in the same team. But I knew everything wouldnt be the same after the accident.
Mum? whispered Tom. Words left me. I hadnt realised Tom returned home from the tuck shop. Ive gotten up out under all these bed covers. You okay, mum? Tom asked. But I couldnt move my lips. Answer me! he roared. His eyes desperately searched mine waiting.
I had to say something to him! Do you have nothing to say? I always try my best to help out, now tell me what youre thinking! he demanded. I tried to search through my mind for something reasonable to say, but to surprise, my heart answered for me I love you, Tom.
Love you too mum He said it so quietly I could hardly him. Huh what you say, Daniel?. Dont worry then as he tried to swallow up what he said and walked away. This family is so torn apart after what happened with Daniel. I would do anything in exchange for what happened that night. Honestly, depression is the unseen, unheard, silent killer. It’s the pain that’s too much to cope with, too hard to deal with. You can’t escape it no matter how hard you try, because it follows you around like a black shadow that’s on the inside, eating you up. I stood on the brink of something I couldn’t describe. The weight of everything seemed to press down on my shoulders. The darkness grew darker; the pain grew sharper; all of it seemed to only grow and I began to wonder if things could ever get any better.