I entered the van contemplating about my fate, wondering if my daughter is safe and well. Then there is Luke, oh how I wonder if he is alive, if I’ll see him in the afterlife, if he is dead. I cannot imagine what will become of me now that I have been stripped of my Handmaid status. Will I have freedom from this meaningless existence? Or is this the end of the line? All I can do is waiting and see what will become of me.
I find myself sitting between 2 guardians with Nick right in front of me, staring thoroughly at me, as if there is something wrong with me. Maybe there is, maybe they have found something wrong with me, only time will tell.
I consider asking him what I did, however I’m worried about what his answer may be, maybe they discovered my association with Mayday, and I will become the victim of the Salvaging, only time will tell. I cannot see the driver; I acquire the bitter taste of that terrible illusion – hope, maybe these men will take me to Luke, maybe, just maybe.
We drive past Commander Glen’s house; I begin to reflect upon the significance of Ofglen’s death. Her duty was to reproduce for the good of Gilead, to repopulate this Earth, however she gave up her life, her existence, to conspire against Gilead. Was her suicide utterly necessary? What drove her to commit suicide? All of the answers to these questions would probably be useless to me at this point, as they know already of my treachery.
I should have taken advantage of some of the opportunities my body allowed me to acquire. I should have asked more of the Commander, then I may not have been in this predicament, maybe I could have held my daughter in my arms right now. Then again, she may not even remember me or not want to meet me. Ultimately, I cannot change my past, and so I must simply look towards the future, or at least what is left of it.
We are nearing that gymnasium; I can still smell that scent of sweat, and teenage stench. All that is next to occurring is for the driver to turn right on the next road, and it’ll all be over. We arrive at the turn, we start to turn right. However I hear a gun shot, and the car stops. I look out the window and I see a motionless body on the ground, the driver was killed, but why? I examine the environment and I see that Nick, nor the Guardians have remotely flinched. I gain the courage to ask Nick what is going on, he simply responds by stating “just wait a little longer” I am frustrated with that response and I seek to inquire more however I trust him enough to listen to his words, and thus I will wait a little longer. It appears that there was another man in the passenger seat, as the car starts again; he must have some connection to Mayday.
That dead man was wearing a proper Guardian uniform, these men do as well, but then why didn’t they help him? They must be a part of the plan. After about an hour of driving through the plains we encounter a security checkpoint to check vehicles entering and leaving the boundaries of Gilead, or so the Aunts tell us. Nick opens a compartment in the seat and tells me to get inside; I silently agreed and hid inside. The car slowed down at the checkpoint and there were some Angels at the gate, I could hear the conversation between the angel and the driver, the story apparently was that we were transporting supplies to the Angels fighting in the wars up north. I heard the scrambling of paper and I assumed that the papers were documents letting us out. From what I heard the truck was thoroughly searched until they reluctantly agreed to let the truck out. For the first time since that day at the forest I finally feel free, it’s an amazing sensation. I am released and I begin to interrogate Nick, he unenthusiastically agrees to inform me. “Look, I imagine that you can gather enough to know that I am a part of mayday, for quite some time I have been assigned from one commander to the next, in search of one person. And this person is you; the commander of Mayday assigned me with the task of locating you.
This is why I was always watching you, until I could find a means of extracting you from Gilead. Unfortunately I wasn’t expecting for Serena to assign me with having sex with you, but if I didn’t agree to it she would have suspected something. This was a chance I couldn’t take.” Why would someone go to all the effort of finding me? “Since the commander is Luke”. I am speechless, I cannot tell whether I am stunned by happiness, or sadness. I steadily asked a question, how did he survive that day? “From what he told us, he said that he was able to grab a hold of one of the guns and kill the angels that were after you two. However he searched for you and he could never find you, thus he joined the rebellion and rose in the ranks until he was promoted to commander, and ordered me to search for you.” This is amazing; I will finally be able to be with Luke. We arrive at an abandoned factory where I see Luke and some faces I don’t recognize. I run outside and hug him so hard it begins to hurt. I whisper in his ear, I love you.