The stars have been shining brightly under the dark blanket of the sky. Thin little gray clouds hover around casting light shadows on the face of the moon. A few chirping notes from the sound of crickets outside completes the serenity of the night. I have long been fond of watching these diamond-like trinkets sparkling from high above that simply watching them every night gives me this feeling like that of a child given sweet treats. But It seems Like after tonight, It would take long for me to be able to do this again.
The ticking of the clock brought me back to packing my stuffs for I am to leave early tomorrow morning bound to a foggy place uphill for my studies. I was busy rummaging at my now half empty room when I stumbled into something ?a purple box I had used to compile different things I have gathered and collected for the past years for sentimental reasons.
I picked it up and opened it as I sat on my bed. And Like the usual, memories flooded my system as If everything Just happened yesterday.
From that little girl wearing high socks with big laces a decade ago up to that omen who I am now, I can say that I had my fair share of life’s bitter-sweet experiences. And ironically, as I think about it, whether we admit it or not, we could never regret anything life had to offer. Because each of them, whether big or small, memorable or not, success or failures, all of them honed the person we are today.
While learning from them as personal examples of our “what Ifs”, we are able to measure our strengths and weaknesses.
And In some Instances we discover hidden parts of ourselves waiting to be revealed for the world to see. L can’t do this. ” “How would you know if you won’t even try? ” “l am afraid. ” “What are you afraid of? How long would you let that fear hinder you from growing and learning new stuffs? Come on! Come out of your shell. ” My thoughts have been storming -the typical scenario happening Inside the mind of an Introvert. I always have this tendency to fast forward things, thinking of all the possible outcomes before even making the first step towards them.
Maybe this is because I am afraid to come out of my comfort zone. I want things to go my way and afraid to eave things the other way around. Yes, I have this perfectionist and control-freak nature until things happened which triggered the start of a change. I remember quoting Robert Measles on one of his books that “In life, some rain must fall – though sometimes It may feel more Like a deluge. ” It was not raining that day. But for me, it was as if a big dark cloud suddenly came and everything around me started to melt as that dragging aura poured down on me soaking me wet.
That after taste of regret adding woods to the fire giving me the instantaneously need to e invisible, to runaway even Just for a while from the haunting of my spontaneous act, to get lost and save myself from a breakdown of emotions. But In ten end, no matter now much I try to Take It, my tears would Detract me revealing the weakling behind that poker face. As they say, I may be able to fool others but I definitely cannot fool myself. I lost in a battle and I can’t blame anyone but myself. But the hardest part of losing is the knowledge that so much has been expected from you.
This guilt trip has struck me the most. So yes, on that day, I Just et my eyes swell as I was being drenched with the ‘rain’. Then after finally growing tired of blaming and crying, it is when everything started to sink in. It was after all a good reminder to keep my feet on the ground and a light to see my burning desire to strive for more. Given that there are still so many who believe and continue to support me amidst a number of times I had fallen on my knees and had broken their expectations. Sometimes, it is okay to fall and commit mistakes because those two are also part of growing.