Life is like a cycle, everything that happened to us happens for a reason, and sometimes, one issue may also lead to another. So, instead of locking myself in the cage of fear, and cry about all the past embarrassment, heartache and failure, I decided to treat all them as my teachers as they will guide me to self-improvement and success.
Lots of people loves the quote dare to be different, because it represents motivation and to be bold, but for me, I have a different perspective of it.
During my early school age, I was always the ugly duckling in class. My looks were average, my grades were average, the rank of friends I had were average, and due to generic inheritance, in generally I look a lot different from my Chinese friends. Moreover, I was an extreme introvert, which made me the bulls eye of each taunting experience I had. Thus, I had low self-esteem, low self-acceptance, low self-appreciation and low self-confidence for a long time.
The experiences that I had made me adore fame, attention and respect. So, I cave in and became someone that people would accept. First, I started by changing my attitude, I became more extrovert and easy-going with people around me. Then, I started knowing people who had fame in school, and constantly hang out with them. At the same time, I doubled up my effort in my studies so that I could get into a better class.
Doing all these, I thought I was going to be accepted by those who always taunt me, but the end result was the opposite.
I was labelled as attention-seeker, fake, zero-genuine and many more. Moreover, because I had been constantly hanging out with people who had fame, I left out my friends who were always there by my back, supporting me in every decision I made, walked me through and stood up for me in every taunting experience I had. It made my situation even worst where I had restrained myself from talking to anyone nor have any eye contact with people, locking myself in my room and cry was also included.
Initially, the feeling was like a pull towards the bottom of the ocean, where I wasnt given a chance to struggle. I constantly have moments of self-doubt and fear towards the negative opinions from others. Thus, I went through a stressful period, where I have to please people who are not related in my life.
Out in the blues, with overloaded boredom I was watching movies casually till I came across two movies which changed my perception that I had the whole time.