I walked in quietly inside my house trying to close the door as quietly as I can so my mom wont hear me and see me drunk.
I tiptoed all the way to my room when I heard my mom from the back Who do you think you are to return home this late. Take a look at how you come. my heart was beating faster than like a rattle.
I breathe heavily and responded, I am sorry mother I just wanted to drink with my friends and I didnt check the time I thought to myself I am such a failure what does she think of me now? What if she doesnt love me nomore? I just saw my mom shake her head with a disappointment in her face and walked away. I got in my room and shut the door. I said to myself I feel so sad on how disappointed my mom is about me. I went from being one of the best of the daughters to one of the worst.
I found myself struggling with an addiction to approval that leads with the cognitive distortion EMOTIONAL REASONING.
Another cognitive distortion I find myself dealing with is JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS. When I cant make anyone happy as what I would have liked to I consequently consider myself a disappointment. I have not had the capacity to overcome the fear of failing as a daughter, just like I did in my scene. In The Courage To Be Disliked: The Japanese Phenomenon That Shows You How To Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness/Like Me or Not: Overcoming Approval Addiction, Bigelow states, Exploring how our need for approval can become another form of addiction, similar to alcoholism or substance abuse Drinking alcohol has tied up to the need of love and approved of. I saw myself as a failure for the fact that I went from being one of the best daughters to one of the worst for drinking when I wasnt supposed to. I thought my mistake was like a corrector. Therefore, I knew that I wouldnt be able to change the way my mom thought about me for a mistake.
Moreover, I found that LABELING AND MISLABELING is another cognitive distortion I deal with. I am going to concentrate more on the labeling part of the distortion because I know I label myself more than mislabel. I labeled myself as a total failure, and as a disappointment and other negative names about myself when I dont make anyone happy and let a person down for mistakes. I mark myself as loser, inadequate, worthless, useless, stupid, embarrassing, and miserable.
A solution for the cognitive distortion emotional reasoning is to never let my feelings determine the way I look at situations. In my scene I clearly settled a feeling of me feeling sad because I knew how disappointed my mom was about me at that moment. My addiction to approval at that moment was that I was worrying too much on the way I got home and what my mom expected more of rather than coming home late and drunk. Feeling sad is a way of how only bad things happen to me. Theres several situations where I always feel some sort of way. In emotional reasoning, I continue to take automatic thinking as a matter of course, which causes my negative feeling and try to reason on the basis of my feelings. In David D. Burns Feeling