As I sat light swaying on the swing, I reminisced of the times when I as well as everything around me was so innocent. It had been a few years since it happened and I could never get over the guilt of my choices. When I was young, I was a fun-loving child who adored playing at the playground with my dad on Saturdays. There was so much hope for me as the potential for me was limitless. As I got older I began to resent my parents more than I should have.
I would argue about every little thing and would always push my mom and dad to the brink and I liked it. Even through all the hell I caused them during high school, my loving parents still decided to assist me in going to college, and for that, I could never repay them. After two and a half years at university, I dropped out because I just couldn’t handle the college life.
I had my priorities in the wrong place and the things I did for myself only hurt me.
My parents never stopped helping me as they let me stay at their house as I could not afford to pay rent at my own place. Whilst I went from job to job trying to figure things out, my parents never stopped their support. However, eventually life took their support from me. My mom’s breast cancer had come back, badly this time, and my father was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer.
Both diagnoses were within one month of each other. At this time, I didn’t know what to think as I tried to block everything out from my life. Then came the day where the doctors could do no more and my parents died together on one Sunday night on their hospital beds.
However, I didn’t know for the next few days because I decided to get drunk and high with my friends at this very same playground and wandered into town to get arrested and thrown in jail for a few days. Here I am, one year later as the memory of my parents stay vivid in my imagination. “I’m sorry mom and dad,” I said to myself. “I’m sorry I wasted all your time trying to fix my life and fail and mess around as you die without the one person you cared so much for.” I looked down at the weapon in my hand as I felt the disgust with myself at thinking of the times I used to have. With a quick motion, I put the gun to my head and ended what I could never get started.